Relationship Building – AKA “Networking”

The word “networking” often has a negative connotation to some – it feels daunting and challenging. Networking conjures images of “working” a room at a networking event, shaking hands with scores of people, laughing and smiling ingeniously, and groveling for a job. 

However, relationship building sounds much more palatable. We naturally build relationships with family members, neighbors, friends, colleagues, and clients. We often don’t even think about the relationships we build that come naturally – they just happen. Soon, a new relationship blossoms into a friendship or work partnership. These relationships often lead to new opportunities and “leads” for networking, enabling job seekers to reach and attain their career goals. 

For example, I built a good working relationship with my bookkeeper. Because we spoke frequently over several months to set up my business, our working relationship evolved into a friendship, and we often had lunch together, discussed our families, and helped each other build our businesses. Because she worked with many different clients, she was able to refer a lawyer, an accountant, and a computer technician. The lawyer was able to manage my LLC incorporation and personal family trust, and recommended a legal professional for business contracting. There was no stress in building this relationship – it happened naturally. 

I recently traveled on a 16-hour flight. Engaging in conversation with my seatmate, I learned that he worked for LinkedIn, traveling the world. He told me about his job and how he obtained the position by networking. He began as a contractor for the company, designing interiors for some of their offices. He was approached by one of the company’s permanent employees who asked him if he would be interested in working for the company as a full-time/permanent employee. He now travels to all of the company’s offices globally. We shared pictures, and he provided advice; he also has a wealth of referrals if I desire to redesign any of my interior spaces.  

I often hear from my military clients that they struggle with networking, as they are unfamiliar with people outside the military. As a career coach, I ask them who they have connected with and built relationships with during their career. Sometimes we use their holiday card list, list of people they know whom they send birthday wishes to, and other lists. We used to have Rolodexes – today, these lists are often found on social media.

Some of my shy clients do not like to network at any cost. They would rather post hundreds of résumés to job boards and maintain detailed spreadsheets than speak to a human in person or virtually. This is a cold-calling job search.

Whenever I take a taxi while traveling, I ask the driver where he recommends I visit and eat. I find that the best food is outside the tourist areas. I build a quick connection, gain the information needed, and get the taxi driver’s number, so I can set up times for him to drive me to the places he suggested. I get superior service this way. 

Coaching Tips to Build Connections and Relationships

As a career coach, I ask my clients, “What is the worst thing that can happen if you attend a networking event?” 

Methods to Build Connections and/or Leverage Relationships

• Instead of attending a networking event to work the room, ask the client if she/he can volunteer to staff the registration table. This allows the client to learn the names of all attendees, meet them in person, and create an environment where the client can speak directly with attendees during the event. Because the client was  at the check-in table, they appeared to be in a place of “authority and knowledge of the organization.” I recommend this method for all types of events, including alumni events, conferences, job fairs, association events, and even virtual events (by volunteering to help set up the event).
• Challenge your clients to commit to meeting X (1, 3, 5) people at an event. It may be difficult for some, but if they can make a commitment and report back to the coach on progress, it creates a sense of accountability. They can share their scan codes for LinkedIn or even share a business card. 
• If a client is particularly dismayed by the thought of attending a networking event, challenge them to take along a friend or colleague – someone to “hold their hand” as they try to meet new people. 
• Challenge your client to reach out to X (1, 3, 5) people via LinkedIn or social media within xx weeks. Again, agreeing to a commitment creates accountability. 
• Challenge clients to contact everyone on a holiday card list, members of a faith-based organization, or any external organization with which the client may be involved, such as a volunteer organization like Habitat for Humanity, the local pet shelter, or the local soup kitchen or food bank. 
• If a client is retiring from the military, federal government, or other long-term position, they do not have the difficulty and specific concerns of conducting a confidential job search. In this case, I work with them and coach them to develop a letter to send to everyone they know, including colleagues, friends, neighbors, and family, that explains their retirement and describes their delight with the opportunity to retire after 20 years of employment. The letter describes the individual’s areas of expertise and summarizes their career history in a few short lines, and concludes with a line that says, “Since I have been employed for many years, I am excited to learn about career management and new professional job opportunities. If you are aware of any leads in my area of expertise or if you have job-seeking advice, I would be most pleased to speak with you…”

Most of our clients have many more connections than they believe they do. We need to coach them to identify these contacts, leverage the relationships established over the years, and encourage them to make new connections and build new relationships to support their job search.

Building relationships and connections is a critical component of career management, as most positions are secured by “who you know” or “knowing someone who knows someone” who will refer a client to a recruiter or hiring manager.